Post by Noctis on Jul 24, 2010 12:33:46 GMT -5
I've been thinking about a lot of things recently. This morning I talked to my therapist and she's upped my pills, so for the most part, I'm not a cranky bitch right now and I'm actually dealing with the stress (Even if I'm not doing it naturally).
I quit last night. And I fully intend to quit, I really do.
But that also brings me to the issue of leaving all of the friends I have made, love and have fought to keep behind me. I don't know if I can just do that in the blink of an eye.
You guys are like a family to me. Seriously, sometimes I feel more at home on this website than I do sitting here, at my computer, in my own house. This is a place where I can lose myself and be myself, which is what the internet is, really. So thank you for letting me do that. And thank you for accepting me as I am, on good days and bad.
Unfortunately, past events, on the internet and in my life outside of the internet, have sucked me completely dry of any muse and inspiration I may have had for writing. As I've explained to a few people, roleplaying is no longer something I enjoy. It feels more like a job or an obligation, not something I'm doing to have fun, or simply for myself. I think this is one of the reasons I've been so cranky and bitter on the site lately. I've wanted to post, or reply, and get my characters active, but no matter how many times I re-wrote that one, starting paragraph, it frustrated me and I couldn't continue. So I'm very sorry to those I have owed posts too. I am apologizing on half of my delay, my excuses, and the fact that I am not being a very good inspiration to our members as a roleplayer on this site.
In saying that.. I think I'll move my characters to the catacombs. If by chance I'm just suffering some stupid phase of angst and wallowing in my own self pity and problems, I may bring them back if I manage to get out of this rut. This is not a promise, nor my word or anything like that. I want you to know that, until I consider myself stable and able to have fun with my posts and characters again, they will be absent. If that means my characters are going to have to be demoted, so be it. If that means, plot wise, my characters are excluded. I understand.
For now I would like to remain on this site as a resident in the Cbox, when I think I'm fit to talk in the cbox. I'm on a very loose thread right now. Things, completely irrelevant things tend to make me snap. As some of you know, I am diagnosed as bipolar, mildly schizophrenic, and I just have major temper issues to top everything off (Even my temper issues have temper issues!). Due to some of my "disorders", I am prone to mood swings, good, bad and very ugly. Recently I cannot control these, and so I have been ducking in and out of the Cbox without warning or so much as a goodbye. Again, I apologize. These are not excuses for my behavior, merely and explanation so you don't think I'm intentionally trying to be rude or bitter towards any of you.
As well as a resident, though. If the staff think its fair, and they'll keep me, I would like to remain as a Global Moderator. I'll understand if that's not acceptable, given my attitude recently. Whether I have my position or not, you can bet I'll warden the Cbox and watch it like a hawk. I can't stand to see this place being chewed apart by drama- and yes, I know. "It doesn't happen often", "there's no drama now", "We aren't arguing". You can say all of that. Really, you can. But it's bullshit. There will always be drama on the internet. The internet IS drama, and that will never change. But I'm willing to give it another chance and stick it out, for my family, and my friends, and wonderful people who have yet to even join!
I'm going to keep my studio open. Art is an amazing way for me to occupy myself right now. So, if you would like to request something from my new studio, which I will open today, that actually really would help me maintain my cool and stay present on the site. I'm also going to keep my adoptables thread up for now. Its still in progress and I have no idea when I'll sort it out. Probably not until the site is all moved and cozy, but if you've read it, you'll notice that you can also suggest things there. Which is another way for me to work on my art and distract myself, especially if you're in no need of a character picture!
Thank you all for reading this. I never meant to make it so long. Uhm, so I guess you could say I got carried away.
To sum it up. I love you guys. I would love to stay and maintain my relationship with all of you. No hard feelings, I hope. And request some damn art! ]8<
-- Sincerely, Ghost.
I quit last night. And I fully intend to quit, I really do.
But that also brings me to the issue of leaving all of the friends I have made, love and have fought to keep behind me. I don't know if I can just do that in the blink of an eye.
You guys are like a family to me. Seriously, sometimes I feel more at home on this website than I do sitting here, at my computer, in my own house. This is a place where I can lose myself and be myself, which is what the internet is, really. So thank you for letting me do that. And thank you for accepting me as I am, on good days and bad.
Unfortunately, past events, on the internet and in my life outside of the internet, have sucked me completely dry of any muse and inspiration I may have had for writing. As I've explained to a few people, roleplaying is no longer something I enjoy. It feels more like a job or an obligation, not something I'm doing to have fun, or simply for myself. I think this is one of the reasons I've been so cranky and bitter on the site lately. I've wanted to post, or reply, and get my characters active, but no matter how many times I re-wrote that one, starting paragraph, it frustrated me and I couldn't continue. So I'm very sorry to those I have owed posts too. I am apologizing on half of my delay, my excuses, and the fact that I am not being a very good inspiration to our members as a roleplayer on this site.
In saying that.. I think I'll move my characters to the catacombs. If by chance I'm just suffering some stupid phase of angst and wallowing in my own self pity and problems, I may bring them back if I manage to get out of this rut. This is not a promise, nor my word or anything like that. I want you to know that, until I consider myself stable and able to have fun with my posts and characters again, they will be absent. If that means my characters are going to have to be demoted, so be it. If that means, plot wise, my characters are excluded. I understand.
For now I would like to remain on this site as a resident in the Cbox, when I think I'm fit to talk in the cbox. I'm on a very loose thread right now. Things, completely irrelevant things tend to make me snap. As some of you know, I am diagnosed as bipolar, mildly schizophrenic, and I just have major temper issues to top everything off (Even my temper issues have temper issues!). Due to some of my "disorders", I am prone to mood swings, good, bad and very ugly. Recently I cannot control these, and so I have been ducking in and out of the Cbox without warning or so much as a goodbye. Again, I apologize. These are not excuses for my behavior, merely and explanation so you don't think I'm intentionally trying to be rude or bitter towards any of you.
As well as a resident, though. If the staff think its fair, and they'll keep me, I would like to remain as a Global Moderator. I'll understand if that's not acceptable, given my attitude recently. Whether I have my position or not, you can bet I'll warden the Cbox and watch it like a hawk. I can't stand to see this place being chewed apart by drama- and yes, I know. "It doesn't happen often", "there's no drama now", "We aren't arguing". You can say all of that. Really, you can. But it's bullshit. There will always be drama on the internet. The internet IS drama, and that will never change. But I'm willing to give it another chance and stick it out, for my family, and my friends, and wonderful people who have yet to even join!
I'm going to keep my studio open. Art is an amazing way for me to occupy myself right now. So, if you would like to request something from my new studio, which I will open today, that actually really would help me maintain my cool and stay present on the site. I'm also going to keep my adoptables thread up for now. Its still in progress and I have no idea when I'll sort it out. Probably not until the site is all moved and cozy, but if you've read it, you'll notice that you can also suggest things there. Which is another way for me to work on my art and distract myself, especially if you're in no need of a character picture!
Thank you all for reading this. I never meant to make it so long. Uhm, so I guess you could say I got carried away.
To sum it up. I love you guys. I would love to stay and maintain my relationship with all of you. No hard feelings, I hope. And request some damn art! ]8<
-- Sincerely, Ghost.